Last week I struggled to sleep. I kept waking up in the early hours of the morning often around 1.30am.
I was anxious and restless and, in many ways, unsettled.
Tuesday morning, I woke after a lucid dream with an idea for a blog article that I simply had to capture there and then. I recorded my thoughts and uploaded them to our website, but something just didn’t feel right.
When I read the article to myself it felt unfamiliar. The tone was arrogant, defensive and perhaps slightly insecure. It troubled me and I hesitated before I hit ‘publish’.
Personally, lockdown was not without its benefits. During that period, I started to frequently blog, and my writing served as a vehicle to connect my work with others in the wider karate community.
Those who shared or commented on my articles offered validation and helped build my confidence over that time. None more so than Sensei Kevin Slaney of the Highland Karate Association who has since become a firm friend.
Sure-enough when I sent the draft to Kevin he offered some valuable feedback.
The online definition of a mentor is;
‘An experienced and trusted person who gives another person advice and help, esp. related to work or school, over a period of time’.
As well as a valued friend Kev has certainly become a true mentor. I am deeply grateful for his friendship.
Kev suggested that my article was perhaps more of a journal entry as it was cathartic and highly personal. He suggested that my need to write it may have been born from a desire to process some thoughts or feelings or in fact understand them.
As soon as I heard this, I knew Kevin was right. (thank you 😊 ).
Kev’s feedback made me question.
· Why had I written the article?
· What was I trying to process?
· What did I need to understand?
Last week we were preparing for our 15th year anniversary celebrations for the club and our classes. I was certain that it was this build-up that was unsettling my mind.
But I needed to understand why.
Surely a celebration should be something to look forward to with anticipation?
To help process my thoughts, I decided to question how I felt and then think back to other times or periods in my life when I had felt the same, in the hope that the pattern could help me understand and recognise what I needed to work-though.
I realised that I hadn’t felt like this since the build up to my wedding. I can clearly remember working on every detail with Karyn back then with the goal of making sure that all our guests had a truly fantastic and memorable time. It was the lack of complete control that bothered me, and I realised instantly that this was the pattern I needed to acknowledge.
In the build up to our karate anniversary we had suffered some complications with hotel bookings. Some guests had childcare issues and to compound my stress the main trunk road I have navigated to Petersfield for fifteen years, (the A3) had scheduled closures for resurfacing.
Now I don’t know if I would go far as to call myself a control freak, but I now realise that these external factors were not sitting well with my subconscious.
In the preparation for our wedding one of my dearest friends (Fordy) was unable to attend last minute as his Wife’s auntie was terminally ill. Whilst I am compassionate, I will also admit to being selfish. I quite simply want my favourite people around me at special times. When people I care about cannot make an event that I am hosting it hurts.
This is mainly because I love their company, and I really want them to have a great time. It is because I care, but I know it is selfish (unless everything really is all about me). 😊 We got married fourteen years ago and I now realise I am still working on processing these same thoughts and feelings.
As I pondered my behaviour, I considered what else was beyond my control in my build up to our event and I realised it was opinions and the thoughts of others. Some I care about; others I thought I did not but clearly do. (At least on some level).
The blog I didn’t publish was a way of defending myself against any negativity pertaining to my karate work. I now recognise that this will always be beyond my control, and I am encouraged to reference one of my favourite meme’s.
‘The world is changed by your example, not your opinion’.
So, with the all-important ‘self-work’ done for the time being it feels appropriate to reflect on the last fifteen years of Petersfield karate.
How did we get here and where are we going?
As I pondered these questions, I felt that the fifteen-year backstory could be conveniently broken up into three sections of five-year anecdotes. At that point I remembered a scriptwriting principle called the ‘Three Acts’.
If you punch this into Google, the Ai will hit you with the following definition
‘The three acts in a script are the setup, confrontation, and resolution.
This is a narrative model that divides a story into three distinct sections, each with one or more plot points that drive the action’.
So here we go.
The first five years – ‘The Set Up’. (2009 – 2014)
It was September 2009, and I was designing Christmas selection box packaging for one of my clients. I clearly remember it as to get in the ‘mood’ for the work I was playing a Christmas playlist, and the Wombles merry Christmas tune was aggravating my colleague Sam Weller.
I was a third dan at the time and still regularly competing with the SEKU squad of which I was vice-captain. I had a long black belt from Tokaido in Japan that was shiny and only showing slight sines of wear after two years of use.
My mobile phone wrang and it was Sensei Mick Dewey the chief instructor of SEKU. I had suffered some frustration with a club opportunity in Whiteley and Mick called to offer me the chance to takeover at a newish dojo as the instructor had resigned.
I was hesitant as I didn’t want to teach on Saturday mornings and the forty minute drive each way was inconvenient.
But I was curious. So, I said
“Okay, I’ll be the caretaker till Christmas, and I’ll see how we go”.
I can still hear Sensei Dewey reply in his unique style
“Okay that man. Spot on!”
I drove up to Froxfield in my sky blue MR2 with my friend Mick Bennetta and having taught the first class committed to the obligation formally from October onwards.
I soon had a close-knit little cohort, but I wasn’t confident enough (yet) to broadcast or advertise my work. The village hall was small and had a distinct smell that these venues seem to share. A mix of old floor polish, a lingering must of spilt beer from the serving hatch bar, and the waft of primary school bleach used to clear up a mishap.
The hall was used as a nursery during the day so had toys stacked in the storage cupboard, a small area of carpet at one end and multiple stacks of chairs that looked like they could fall over at any moment. It was a unique space, and I grew to love it.
The hall had a caretaker called Reg who was a wonderful character. He lived next door to the village shop and would drive up in his slippers to let me in. After a period of time, he grew increasingly frustrated with my earliness and I had to collect the key from his house on route.
On more than one occasion I had to drive back to Froxfield having found the key still in my pocket when I got home to Portchester.
After a few months I created a simple website and this attracted some new members. Big Mike joined regular Nev and the kids class now had the Kinders, The Thorneywprks and The Beast (Gregor) training alongside the OG red belt Finn.
We soon had guests too. My first private student Tony Fish & Chips, Carey and Laurence, and Big Steve (The Axe) Axleson all became regulars.
Consequently, our training soon affected the village hall, and I had to visit Reg as we had a problem. If we bounced around with vigour nails would pop up from the floorboards and risk injury to our bare feet.
Reg promised me that he would fix the problem, and he did. The following week he gave me a hammer!
Rich Ifould who had been a member of the original SEKU dojo back in the 1980s became a big champion of our work and paid to train even when working away to support the classes. He recommended my teaching and soon Big Jon Watson arrived to train as did Wayne Lee who I remember thinking ‘I’ll have to watch this one, I think he may prove a little argumentative’ 😊.
During the first five years the club grew, members got married, I had a baby, members had babies, I began teaching in the East Meon School which grew to the village hall, and we experimented with additional Thursday classes first at Privett and then at Churchers College.
In 2013 I moved our classes to The Petersfield School (TPS) where the SEKU club had resided in the 1980’s and I was proud and grateful when Sensei Dewey taught the first classes in the gym before our obligatory Tai Tong Chinese meal.
The next five years – ‘The Confrontation. (2014 – 2019)
My son had been born in 2011 and I by 2012 I was getting a little overwhelmed, so I went back to work for others, I also experimented with including my good friend Sensei Keith Williams as a guest instructor in our classes. Keith had shared with me his desire to teach more so I felt it a great opportunity for us both and Petersfield hosted him many times over the twelve months.
At the beginning of 2014 we welcomed Keith formerly to the dojo and we shared the workload and pressure. Keith has a very different teaching style to mine, and we complimented each other beautifully.
We were both extremely proud to host Sensei Hazard in the October of 2014 for the first time as we celebrated the five-year anniversary. Sensei commented that Keith ploughed a straight field while I filled in the gaps in between. I am yet to think of a better description of our approach.
I had stopped competing when my son was born, and my main karate focus was now on the club. But I was busy at work, busy at home and busy in life. I was stretched and my once fresh black belt showed more signs of wear and white which was mirrored in my hair and the lines around my eyes.
As Keith and I worked more closely together we also began to collaborate more with Keiths then wife Sensei Emma at the Kokoro dojo and Matt Smith and Dave Galloway at the Southdowns club. We are all firm friends (we grew up together) and Dave and I are brothers-in-law as well as close friends, so our dynamic was a natural progression.
Being similar ages and equally passionate, it was natural that we would share visions, direction and principles. In 2015 we were sad to leave SEKU as we had a clear direction, we wished to explore for ourselves and our students.
Thank fully time is a great healer and we have repaired our friendships with our instructors. In May of 2015 the Applied Karate Association (AKA) was formed with Keith and myself installed as two of the five directors.
Jon and Wayne took over our East Meon dojo and were completely responsible for building the club and its success over the next few years.
Between 2015 and 2018 I job hopped as I was dissatisfied and defocused at work. I now realise that I was off trajectory and that my sole was encouraging me towards karate as a profession. The classes continued to be a success, and we grew a wonderful membership with the majority of the original stalwarts still active and now influential during this time.
2018 was a pivotal year for me and as it would turn out the future of the Petersfield classes. My health took a battering and after Bells Palsy when my face was paralysed for a period and then repeated quinsy infections, I had my tonsils removed and two weeks off work and teaching.
The Seniors at the club really stepped up to support myself and Keith. Without them I would not have had a club to return to. (Thank you, you know who you are!)
For the first time in many years, I had a period of significant downtime and an opportunity to reflect and appraise. With the help of another influential mentor of mine (thank you Jeremy) I began to consider what I needed to do to get my life back on ‘trajectory’.
I returned to the dojo, tightened the knot on my ageing belt and went to work.
The last five years – ‘The Resolution’. (2019 – 2024)
By mid-2019 we were in our groove. The classes were well attended, and we had a nice structure. Keith and I would lead the teaching while Jon, Wayne, Robin and others would support. Kath would work front of house keeping us organised and we were ticking along nicely.
Sensei Hazard would visit each year for buzzing courses and our AKA team had represented well on the national circuit.
But then……
My absolute Hero, my biggest support and number one cheerleader had devastating news.
In the August my dad’s cancer returned with unrivalled aggression and my focus from all things other than family was lost.
My boss at the time was wonderful and allowed me a compressed working week so that I could take Dad to oncology each Tuesday. I was not in the right place to teach on the Tuesday nights. Saturdays were a distraction, but my emotional energy was spent, and my intelligence bandwidth shortened.
One Tuesday I was driving Dad home from Southampton and my inner voice spoke out.
“Dad, I am going to quit work and concentrate on karate”
The response was short and sweet, but all I needed to hear
“Go for it Matty!”
The first person I spoke to was my wife who was wonderful and supportive. I then resigned from my job and told Keith.
Keith was great and knew that I was trying to find balance and direction despite the sadness and trauma we faced as a family.
My Dad died in February 2020 and as lockdown hit, I retreated firstly to my bed and then the end of the sofa where I stayed permanently in my dressing gown, remote controller in hand. It was Karyn that urged me to step up for the needs of our kids and I did that with karate as my vehicle.
Keith graciously stepped away from the Petersfield clubs which I knew was hard for him to do, but as he put it. “The club was not big enough to support two professional teachers”.
I then set to work training myself in my home dojo that Mike and Big Jon had helped me build in 2015 along with my Dad.
Whilst lockdown essentially imprisoned the nation, I strangely felt free and inspired. We had some significant challenges, but I felt that I was once again in control of my future.
After zooming our way through lockdown our incredibly loyal and passionate students returned to the dojo. And as restrictions lifted new members began to join. Some new to karate, others old friends or new people who had read a blog or seen our work online.
Post lockdown I was fit and ready. I felt wiser and more grounded. I was ready to return to my original principle of teaching classes I would want to train in.
I promised myself I would strive never to just go through the motions and concentrate on the future. I threw all bar two of my trophies and medals away and decided that my karate work now was the development and success of our students.
The last three years has flown by and our numbersip grown significantly. I am so proud of everyone.
We have changed venues and are now at Stroud, the Taro Centre and the Clanfield Centre. Our strength has been demonstrated by our ability to pivot and dynamically respond to change.
Last September I noticed that I had grown rather sentimental and precious about my long no-longer shiny belt. The length was great, it was worn in beautifully and it responded well to my movements highlighting hip work and framing my moves. I began to fear losing it and I loved that its patina showcased my experience.
I then realised that if I was that wise and capable, then my karate should do all of the above. So, I gifted the belt to Harry and treated myself to a new Silk Obi from Tokaido.
A new belt for our new chapter to mature with me and us along the way.
Party, Party, Party
On Saturday despite the roadworks and other complications everything went to plan.
The course was a big success, and I was thrilled that Kevin came from Scotland along with Phil Owen Sensei for his first visit to Petersfield.
I began the course with a speech (shock) where I reflected on the past fifteen years. The first five years were about establishment and for my confidence. The second five years were for the team and the development of our principles. The last five years have been driven by the chat with my Dad and the honour of his memory.
My favourite aspect of karate is the people we get to meet, the relationships that we build and the experiences we share.
For me our ongoing success can be measured by how these relationships continue to develop. Thank you so much Kayleigh for my incredible memory book.
I started to ponder this blog while I sat eating lunch with Kev and Phil in the Rising Sun Pub in Clanfield after our course. I thanked Kev again for his sage advice on my unpublished article.
That evening our party was wonderful at the Half Moon Pub in Sheet where we were joined by Sensei Aidan Trimble and my dear friend and karate mentor Simon Staples as well as many of our members and their families.
We had a wonderful evening full of fun and laughter. Massive thanks to the venue who were excellent and the DL band who were incredible. Not forgetting Sam who has been invaluable in pulling all the detail together (and putting up with me).
On Saturday we celebrated fifteen years of Petersfield karate and enjoyed friendships under the Rising Sun and Half Moon. Everything is cyclical and time passes on. Just as the dark of night balances the light of day we move forward seeking balance and a conclusion to our own three acts.
But what for the next five years?
Well as I said on Saturday.
Now it’s for you …..
THE MEMBERS …..
lets’ see what you can do!!
😊
留言